Friday 6 May 2016

UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIPS

Ever been in a relationship and it feels like you don't know what exactly you guys are to each other?

We've all been in that one relationship defined only by the fact that it's undefined.
Maybe its undefined  cause one party isn’t sure if they should take it from one point to another or just isn't sure of what they want (but they like talking to the person and being around them), or it could be as a result of fear of commitment on either party because the whole thing just gets so real all of a sudden once labels have been put on it and a lot of responsibilities come along with these labels so some people just like to shy away from ever getting around to having the "what exactly are we" talk. In as much as this feels convenient, a friend of mine likes to say that an undefined relationship is a dangerous one...
How so? Let's find out;

1. NO BOUNDARIES
Let's face it, where's the line between honesty, respect and privacy? For all you know, he/she might be seeing other people because they don't owe you anything, you're not their girlfriend/boyfriend and you're definitely not exclusive until you guys have "defined" the relationship!. Also, he/she doesn't owe you any explanation whatsoever as to their whereabouts and other stuff!
Defined relationships have mutually accepted unwritten rules.

2. YOU GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT
For all you know, the other party might just be into a casual hook-up and isn't looking for anything serious. You on the other hand have developed massive feelings and can't go a day without thoughts of them flooding your mind, and you don't know how to handle these feelings because you don't know if they will be reciprocated, and you're left in the dark! I smell a conflict of interest here...

3. IT'S JUST A LOT OF TROUBLE
It just has a lot of confusion attached to it. It's crazy when you don't know what you are to someone who probably means a lot to you.

4. THEY INTRODUCE YOU AS A "FRIEND"
In your mind, you're like, hey what's going on here? I thought we've gone past that! when you hear yourself being introduced as a friend and you "thought" you guys were more than that...cruel world!

5. YOU END UP LOOKING NEEDY AND INSECURE
You're always calling and texting...as should be for someone you really like. It's all great in the beginning, but at some point you start to seem too needy and the person starts to pull away after sometime because it's starting to look scary...you're becoming too attached and they're just not ready for that yet.

6. YOU'RE LOST IN THE GRAY AREA
It's meant to be either black or white...but for some reason it just seems like you're stuck in the gray area...neither here nor there. You don't know if you're friends and you still don't know if you're more than friends...That's Toxic!

 Don't get me wrong, if both parties are okay with the "undefined" status of their relationship, by all means do continue with whatever floats your boat! If not, I think it's time you had the "what are we" talk..And if it turns out that they don't feel the same, at least you know you’re not wasting your time on someone who could only love you at half-measure.

Stay tuned!

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